My Regret

I have read some of you guys stories and they are both beautiful and sad because it hurts a lot for me. For those boys who can have a man to love them, they are so lucky.

I grow up in a family where mom and dad always fight for no reason. My dad is alcohol addicted so whenever he has free time he will go out to drink with his “friends” or invite them home, especially when mom is not home. When I was a child, he would doubt if I am his real (blood related) son and questioned me about that when he was drunk (Well he was always drunk so… ). If I made mistakes he would say or shout something purely mean. He never touched me or hit me but he didn’t really care about me. All he care about was alcohol. So we didn’t talk much, no more than 50 words per day. Sometimes he would complained that I always told mom everything but not him and because of that we got into a sever quarrel when I was 13. It was the first time I dared to do that and I was crying back then but he just won’t listen. I rarely invited my friends to play in our house because of the unfriendly atmosphere in it. Besides, I didn’t have many friends cause I was introverted ( I still am ), which also caused me to be bullied by other kids.

Now I am 22. To be honest ( please don’t laugh at me ), I wish I was a boy again and I could find a man who could hold me and kiss me, who could make me feel safe and happy, who could teach me things like a father teaches his son, who could encourage me to talk to new people and develop social skills. But I know this will only happen in my dreams.

Sorry for my English. Here is a photo that I have been keeping for about 2 years. He is so beautiful and I LOVE him and his smile very much. Does anyone have more pics of him? I believe I got it from the previous version of this website and it is also called “beauty of boys”.

12 thoughts on “My Regret

  1. Sorry to hear your story. Your not alone. My Dad was alcoholic, Drank BEER ONLY.He was always good to us, I have A Brother and Sister. I never CARED FOR HIS DRINKING. AND WOULD NEVER HOLD BACK ON MY FEELINGS OF IT. To keep a long story short. When he passed away. I WAS OUT OF HIS WILL. Brother and Sister got his MONEY, A WHOLE LOT. BUT NOT ME.

    • I am sorry to hear your story, as well as BLOVE’s. It seems your father had some deep problems and that he may have took out on you as BLOVE’s father took out on him. I have wonderful memories of my father, altho I suppose I should not say he was perfect. But when it was important to be, he was. At least you have your integrity and if you have a son or a boy friend, I am sure YOU will be good to him. And then HE will feel you are perfect too.

  2. BLOVE, smile at every boy you see that you can. If you catch his eye, and he smiles back, the feeling is wonderful. And then eventually it will happen, there will be more and you will also have one to love who loves you. And in that, you can also be a boy again.

    • Thank you. I am trying to be a bit more extroverted and not stay indoor so much. And I am worried that a relationship with a boy may get me in jail. Too risky. No matter how you love that boy or how you claim you want to protect him and make him feel happy, you won’t be understood. 🙁

      • You must of course follow the local customs, but even here in the extremely uptight USA, I, a single man, have been successful in making friends with a boy, a neighbor boy. It lasted for years and we spent many hours together. Nothing illegal or immoral, just good clean fun and happy days. His parents were well aware of our relationship, and supported it. No one in the neighborhood called the police or social services, and we were out in the open and very visible, And I am not a huge extrovert either. If you want, PM me.

        • I wanted to say hello. I am an old Bob member and I just got back on and I’m trying to fill my library again. PM me anytime. I’m glad to be back.

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