My Regret

I have read some of you guys stories and they are both beautiful and sad because it hurts a lot for me. For those boys who can have a man to love them, they are so lucky.

I grow up in a family where mom and dad always fight for no reason. My dad is alcohol addicted so whenever he has free time he will go out to drink with his “friends” or invite them home, especially when mom is not home. When I was a child, he would doubt if I am his real (blood related) son and questioned me about that when he was drunk (Well he was always drunk so… ). If I made mistakes he would say or shout something purely mean. He never touched me or hit me but he didn’t really care about me. All he care about was alcohol. So we didn’t talk much, no more than 50 words per day. Sometimes he would complained that I always told mom everything but not him and because of that we got into a sever quarrel when I was 13. It was the first time I dared to do that and I was crying back then but he just won’t listen. I rarely invited my friends to play in our house because of the unfriendly atmosphere in it. Besides, I didn’t have many friends cause I was introverted ( I still am ), which also caused me to be bullied by other kids.

Now I am 22. To be honest ( please don’t laugh at me ), I wish I was a boy again and I could find a man who could hold me and kiss me, who could make me feel safe and happy, who could teach me things like a father teaches his son, who could encourage me to talk to new people and develop social skills. But I know this will only happen in my dreams.

Sorry for my English. Here is a photo that I have been keeping for about 2 years. He is so beautiful and I LOVE him and his smile very much. Does anyone have more pics of him? I believe I got it from the previous version of this website and it is also called “beauty of boys”.